One day back in ‘96, I was working in a nursing home near
where I lived then (well, near if you count 6 ½ miles as near, which I measured
because I twice walked that distance in the snow from my residence to the home
so that the residents would have someone to take care of them), and took part
in what might seem a strange conversation to someone who wasn't there.
The conversation took place largely because of the sexual
tension between me, a CNA, and one of the nurses, a recent college
graduate, but neither of us started it. It started between one of the
female CNA's who was my age and a male CNA who was a nursing student at a
nearby private college. It turned into a six- or eight-way conversation,
but it was because of the palpable (to all) sexual tension between her and I
that the conversation began; the other four or five participants were women,
and the nurse mentioned earlier was then 21.
This was during lunch. Much of what was discussed, I
later learned, was largely for the afore-mentioned nurse's benefit.
I could overhear what the two CNA's were debating; it was
whether a guy should kiss a girl/woman after he cums in her mouth.
The female turned to me and asked would I.
“Hell, yes,” I responded.
Likewise, everyone agreed a woman/girl should indeed kiss a
man after he's been down on her.
“Snowballing?” (letting
a girl pass your semen into your mouth while kissing her after she’s given you
a blowjob)
The other male CAN, a nursing student at a nearby
university, was definitely into it; me, I'd have to consider it in the moment.
“Should a man go down on his lover if she's having her
period?”
I said Yes, the male nursing student said No.
“What about anilingus?” (like cunnilingus, only in the other orifice)
Some were grossed out about the idea, but those who were not
agreed it was a good thing for either party to do to the other, although the
man should shave his ass crack if he wants that.
Everyone agreed that shaving pubes (men and women) was a
good idea, since a pubic hair in the back of one's throat is a good way to
spoil a mood.
One thing that definitely got the female participants’
attention was my insistence that a man keep going after he had cum if his lover
had not yet cum or if she was about to cum again. My younger,
college-age, counterpart agreed, though he had not until then thought about it
(I'd not only thought about it, but had done it routinely). The women
present naturally expressed their whole-hearted support for the suggestion.
We all also agreed that there should be lots of foreplay,
plus cuddling and talking afterwards, though we did allow there might be
exceptions in some cases on both these counts.
It was one of the most open and frank discussions I've ever
been party to regarding sex. We even discussed STD's any of us had had—given
the extent of my stay in the Philippines at Clark Air Base, I took the prize for
number and variety—and no one seemed at all embarrassed about any of this.
[In addition to paying
for two abortions, I’ve had gonorrhea once, clamydia twice, Hepatitis B, and a
case of venereal warts (HPV) that took five months to get rid of. The Hep B, HPV, and one of the clamydial
infections came in a single package; I was so miserable from the other two I
didn’t learn of the Hep B until several years later after giving blood, and by
then had a naturally acquired immunity.
Thus, I am a huge proponent of condoms.]
Of course, then I had to go on to explain that I'd ended up
dating the medical assistant at the clinic, the one who'd processed all my
records. I was amazed that she had said Yes, and when I asked her about
it later, she said I was the only guy who'd ever talked to her; the rest
wouldn't even look at her, and here I was chatting her up every time I came in
until my name was called. I felt kind of sorry for her when she said that
because she was extremely pretty, and sweet, with a great sense of humor and
should’ve had guys falling all over her, though of course I counted my own good
fortune.
Another thing we all agreed on was that condoms should
always be worn, and that routine testing was necessary, especially for singles,
but also for those in serious relationshAt ips. That had been my religion
since the Philippines.
The female CNA who'd initiated this discussion later
admitted to me that she and the male nursing student had instigated it in order
to gauge the afore-mentioned nurse's reaction to hearing me talk about sex.
This was hardly one of the major turning points in my life,
but I think that if men and women were always this frank and rational about sex
many of us would be so much better off.
*****
At another time, when I was the only male in the room, the
subject was men. More specifically,
their problems with men. And let me tell
you, guys, women can be brutal.
I was just sitting and listening like nothing was wrong. Hell, I’ve got two sisters, I’d already heard
much worse. But the afore-mentioned
nurse kept glancing at me, seeming really worried about how all this was affecting
me. So, largely on her behalf, I raised
the point.
Betty, an older female CNA who was our “mother”, told me straight that No,
this discussion didn’t have anything to do with me and that if it had they
wouldn’t have been talking about men like that.
I glanced at Julie and she seemed relaxed. I have to admit that even knowing this already
I breathed a sigh of relief as well.
Like I said, it was brutal.
*****
Nearly a decade later, my MLT classmates and I were having a
long lunch in the student center, all of us.
We weren’t a very big department but all of us were there.
Sometimes being the only guy in a group can be an advantage,
sometimes it might make some guys squirm.
The subject of discussion this time was men, again, a mass discussion of
problems with their significant male others.
It was much the same as the discussion of a decade earlier,
with the added twist of two of the women sharing the problems of being in a
long-term relationship with a guy who has a giant schlong. Neither were still in a relationship with the
two guys they were discussing, by the way, these were about the past.
What they both agreed about was that at first it seemed like
“WOW!” and “OH MY GOD!”, and that it still was…every once in a while. Most of the time, though, it was such a
strain to adjust to and accommodate their length and girth that it was hard to
enjoy their size. So all you guys of
average penis size, like me, should relax.
It truly is not the size of the ship but the motion of the ocean; take
it from a group of women talking about it completely candidly in front of me.
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