09 April 2013

Christianity sex-changing the divine

When Christians changed the name of their deity from Yahuweh to Jehovah, they cut off their god’s penis.  Seriously.  In Hebrew, the suffix “-weh” signifies masculine and the suffix “-wah” signifies feminine.  Blame the Masoretes, of course, who in the midst of the otherwise tinkering with holy writ altered the vowel notations to hide the true pronunciation.

That’s not the only change made in the transition from Judaism to Christianity, when adherents of the latter recreated God in their own image just as the Jews had created him in their image in the first place.  The Jews had a Trinity of sorts already, or at least you can say that the Christian version had some of its roots in Judaism.

In Judaism, there is the Creator and Father.  Towards the end of the Hellenistic period, Jewish philosophers, especially of the Hellenistic variety, began putting more emphasis on the Word of God as its own aspect of the divine and on the Presence of God, also known as the Ruach ha-Kodesh, or Holy Spirit. 

The Alexandrian Jewish philosopher Flavius Philo Judaeus identified the first aspect with a transformed version of the Stoic’s Logos, or mediator (literally Reason), while he identified the second aspect with Sophia (Wisdom) with a feminine nature, which the Ruach ha-Kodesh already had in Judaism.

So, along comes Christianity, the lopper-offer of divine penises. 

To the Christians, the Logos became identified with Jesus bar Joses, who undoubtedly already had a penis of his own as the Son of God.  So, no problem there.

The Jewish Christians, who followed Petros/Cephas and the Desposyni (Jesus’ relatives), were the first fruits of the new variety and had no problem with a feminine Presence of God/Holy Spirit since that’s what they’d always believed.  Indeed, Apostolic Father Origen (who lopped off his own penis along with his testicles) reports that in the Gospel according to the Hebrews used by Jewish Christians, Jesus says that after his temptation, “Even did my mother, the Holy Spirit, take me by one of my hairs and carry me away to the great mountain Tabor.”

The Gentiles who got ahold of this myth were faced with a quandary because they wanted to make Jesus bar Joses the product of divine and human spiritual copulation.  Had they left the Holy Spirit as she was, their version would have put the stamp of approval on same-sex unions and made their Savior the product of such.

They didn’t seem to have a problem with the idea of Jesus bar Joses being conceived outside of wedlock in conditions which then amounted to adultery.

Fortunately for these misogynistic Gentiles they already had on hand a divine penis just floating around needing a “body” to attach itself to, so they used that.  Jesus bar Joses became the result not of an adulterous same sex union but of an adulterous opposite sex union between a female-to-male transexualized person of a divine trinity and a human female.


Anonymous said...

Stoicism influenced jewish monotheism and the later Christian monotheism.

Chuck Hamilton said...

Stoicism had some effect on Jewish monotheism, but only after the Macedonian conquest. Before that, Judaism and Samaritanism had been exposed to Zoroastrianism after the conquest by Iran in 539 BCE.

Anonymous said...

Jews definitely had Strong Persian connections, the Elephantine military outpost and one of the Hasmonean kings are called Hyrcanus of the Iranian region of Hyrcania.

Christiniaty is a judaized form of Zoroastrianism