Imaginary Quran versus real Quran

During an argument in the aftermath of the Black Wednesday massacre at the magazine Charlie Hebdo in Paris in which twelve people were murdered for exercising their freedom of speech, the Thursday double-shooting which left a police officer dead, and the Friday attack at the kosher deli in which four men were murdered because they were Jewish, my opponent offered the following as verses from the Quran to support his argument that Islam is about killing infidels.

The problem is that they were all bullshit.  Not his, mind you, they are from a collection of pseudo-verses of the Quran making rounds on the world wide web among the Islamophobia R Us-Anders Breivik Fan Club crowd.  It was a rather simple matter to debunk this crap since there are plenty of websites with the Quran in English and Arabic online.  The actual texts of the citations follow each of his pseudo-verses:

Slay the unbelievers wherever you find them (2:191)

2:191 actually says " And kill them wherever you overtake them and expel them from wherever they have expelled you, and fitnah is worse than killing. And do not fight them at al-Masjid al- Haram until they fight you there. But if they fight you, then kill them. Such is the recompense of the disbelievers."

Muslims must not take the infidels as friends (3:28)

3:28 actually says, " ‘Thou makest the night pass into the day and makest the day pass into the night. And Thou bringest forth the living from the dead and bringest forth the dead from the living. And Thou givest to whomsoever Thou pleasest without measure.’ "

Any religion other than Islam is not acceptable (3:85)

3:85 actually says, " Say, ‘We believe in Allah and in that which has been revealed to us, and that which was revealed to Abraham and Ishmael and Isaac and Jacob and the Tribes, and that which was given to Moses and Jesus and other Prophets from their Lord. We make no distinction between any of them, and to Him we submit.’ "

Maim and crucify the infidels if they criticise Islam. (5:33)

5:33 actually says, " On account of this, We prescribed for the children of Israel that whosoever killed a person — unless it be for killing a person or for creating disorder in the land — it shall be as if he had killed all mankind; and whoso gave life to one, it shall be as if he had given life to all mankind. And Our Messengers came to them with clear Signs, yet even after that, many of them commit excesses in the land. " (The parenthetical clause is a much later interpolation and not original.)

Terrorise and behead those who believe in scriptures other than the Qur’an (8:12)

8:12 actually says, " When He caused sleep to come upon you as a sign of security from Him, and He sent down water upon you from the clouds, that thereby He might purify you, and remove from you the filth of Satan, and that He might strengthen your hearts and make your steps firm therewith. "

Muslims must muster all weapons to terrorise the infidels (8:60)

8:60 actually says, " And let not those who disbelieve think that they have outstripped Us. Surely, they cannot frustrate God’s purpose. "

The unbelievers are stupid; urge the Muslims to fight them (8:65)

8:65 actually says, " O Prophet, Allah is sufficient for thee and for those who follow thee of the believers. "

When opportunity arises, kill the infidels wherever you catch them (9:5)

9:5 actually says, " And when the forbidden months have passed, kill the idolaters wherever you find them and take them prisoners, and beleaguer them, and lie in wait for them at every place of ambush. But if they repent and observe Prayer and pay the Zakat, then leave their way free. Surely, Allah is Most Forgiving, Merciful."

The infidels are unclean; do not let them into a mosque (9:28)

9:28 actually says, " O ye who believe! surely, the idolaters are unclean. So they shall not approach the Sacred Mosque after this year of theirs. And if you fear poverty, Allah will enrich you out of His bounty, if He pleases. Surely, Allah is All-Knowing, Wise. "

Kill the Jews and the Christians if they do not convert to Islam or refuse to pay Jizya tax (9:29)

9:29 actually says, " Fight those from among the People of the Book who believe not in Allah, nor in the Last Day, nor hold as unlawful what Allah and His Messenger have declared to be unlawful, nor follow the true religion, until they pay the tax with their own hand and acknowledge their subjection. "

The Jews and the Christians are perverts; fight them (9:30)

9:30 actually says " The Jews say, "Ezra is the son of Allah "; and the Christians say, "The Messiah is the son of Allah ." That is their statement from their mouths; they imitate the saying of those who disbelieved [before them]. May Allah destroy them; how are they deluded?"

Make war on the infidels living in your neighboorhood (9:123)

9:123 actually says, " O ye who believe! fight such of the disbelievers as are near to you and let them find hardness in you; and know that Allah is with the righteous. "

Punish the unbelievers with garments of fire, hooked iron rods, boiling water; melt their skin and bellies (22:19)

22:19 actually says, " Hast thou not seen that to Allah submits whosoever is in the heavens and whosoever is in the earth, and the sun, and the moon, and the stars, and the mountains, and the trees, and the beasts, and many of mankind? But there are many who become deserving of punishment. And whomsoever Allah disgraces, none can raise him to honour. Verily, Allah does what He pleases. "

Do not hanker for peace with the infidels; behead them when you catch them (47:4)

47:4 actually says, " That is because those who disbelieve follow falsehood while those who believe follow the truth from their Lord. Thus does Allah set forth for men their similitudes. "

For comparison, I copied this list of verses of the Bible someone had posted to another site, texts which I know are accurate because most of them are familiar.

KILL anyone who doesn't want me to be their king." Luke 19:27 (actually from a parable, not actual instructions to the disciples)

If a man commits adultery with another man's wife, both the man and the woman must be put to death.  (Leviticus 20:10 NLT)

If your own full brother, or your son or daughter, or your beloved wife, or you intimate friend, entices you secretly to serve other gods, whom you and your fathers have not known..do not yield to him or listen to him, nor look with pity upon him, to spare or shield him, but kill him.  Your hand shall be the first raised to slay him; the rest of the people shall join in with you.  You shall stone him to death, because he sought to lead you astray from the Lord.. (Deuteronomy 13:7-12 NAB)

Evidence of the girls virginity is not found..stone her to death (Deuteronomy  22:20-21 NAB)

 Suppose you hear in one of the towns the LORD your God is giving you that some worthless rabble among you have led their fellow citizens astray by encouraging them to worship other gods..If you find it is true..you must attack that town and completely destroy all its inhabitants, as well as all the livestock. (Deuteronomy 13:13-19 NLT)

Everyone who would not seek the Lord, the God of Israel, was to be put to death, whether small or great, whether man or woman.  (2 Chronicles 15:12-13 NAB)

 A man or a woman who acts as a medium or fortuneteller shall be put to death by stoning (Leviticus 20:27 NAB)

All who curse their father or mother must be put to death.  They are guilty of a capital offense.  (Leviticus 20:9 NLT)

Whoever strikes his father or mother shall be put to death.  (Exodus 21:15 NAB)

A priest's daughter who loses her honor by committing fornication and thereby dishonors her father also, shall be burned to death.  (Leviticus 21:9 NAB)


Suppose a man or woman among you.. violated the covenant by serving other gods..then that man or woman must be taken to the gates of the town and stoned to death.??(Deuteronomy 17:2-5 NLT)

Let the entire community stone him to death..(Leviticus 24:10-16 NLT)

..Keep the Sabbath day, for it is holy. ?Anyone who desecrates it must die; anyone who works on that day will be cut off from the community.??(Exodus 31:12-15 NLT)

Make ready to slaughter his sons for the guilt of their fathers; Lest they rise and posses the earth, and fill the breadth of the world with tyrants.? (Isaiah 14:21 NAB)

..Kill everyone whose forehead is not marked. ?Show no mercy; have no pity!? Kill them all ? old and young, girls and women and little children...Fill its courtyards with the bodies of those you kill! (Ezekiel 9:5-7 NLT)

Anyone who is captured will be run through with a sword.? Their little children will be dashed to death right before their eyes.? Their homes will be sacked and their wives raped by the attacking hordes...The attacking armies will shoot down the young people with arrows.? They will have no mercy on helpless babies and will show no compassion for the children.? (Isaiah 13:15-18 NLT)

Do not spare him, but kill men and women, children and infants, oxen and sheep, camels and asses.' (1 Samuel 15:2-3 NAB)

Cursed be he who does the Lords work remissly, cursed he who holds back his sword from blood.? (Jeremiah 48:10 NAB)

To Islamophobes, uber-Zionists (like Andres Breivik), Christian Supremacists, and other obnoxious types:  please come up with bullshit that is less easily debunked.  This was kind of boring.  It might work for those in the pews drinking your Kool-Aid, but I ain’t one of your nonsapient sheep so you’re not preaching to the choir.