29 March 2025

Roster for the Trump Administration's Cis-Het Frat Boy Signal App Rat Chat

 


JD Vance, Vice President of the United States

Marco “Mirror Fidel” Rubio, Secretary of State

Scott Bessent, Secretary of the Treasury

Pete Hegseth, Secretary of Defense

Brian McCormack, Department of Energy Chief of Staff

Tulsi Gabbard, Director of National Intelligence

John Ratcliffe, Director of Central Intelligence Agency

Joe Kent, Director of National Counterrorism Center (under DNI)

Steve Witkoff, Special Envoy for Middle East and Ukraine (under SecState)

Susie Wiles, White House Chief of Staff

Stephen Miller, White House Deputy Chief of Staff for Policy

John Waltz, White House National Security Advisor

Alex Wong, White House Deputy National Security Advisor

Walker Barrett, National Security Council Senior Director for Defense

* * * * *

* Kristi “ICE Barbie” Noem, Secretary of Homeland Security, did not take part as she was too busy at El Salvador President Nayib Bukele’s “Terrorism Confinement Center” prison and torture facility, where she was cosplaying a recreation of Bill Clinton’s launch of his law-and-order platform of his 1992 presidential primary campaign before rank-upon-rank of black inmates at Stone Mountain Correctional Facility, immediately adjacent to the birthplace of the 1915 Knights of the Ku Klux Klan.  Then-candidate Clinton’s action was mainly an attempted distraction from the exposure of his affair with Gennifer Flowers; Secretary Noem’s reasons for the imitation (which, as Oscar Wilde said, is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness, though with this case suffering from a total lack of any greatness whatsoever for that to be paid to) are anyone’s guess.


(And yes, if you are wondering from the title of this piece, I am most definitely a diehard fan of the SyFy show The Magicians)


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