Favorite quotes from The Magicians

While some of these will definitely fit into almost any Fillorian’s list of the best quotes, this list is of my personal favorites.

“There’s no such thing as safe magic; you should know that Quentin.  Might as well take a risk.” – Alice to Quentin, S01E01 ‘Unauthorized Magic’

“Funny little irony they don’t tell you: Magic doesn’t come from talent; it comes from pain.” – Eliot to Quentin, S01E02 ‘The Source of Magic’

“You're not very remarkable. You're smart, but no genius. You do magic, but nothing special. And the worst is, you're so eager to belong, you even forget why you're here.” – Eliza (Jane) to Quentin, S01E02 ‘The Source of Magic’

“There is no destiny, no born heroes.  I can’t tell you why - why The Beast came sniffing for you.  There’s no reason it should be you.  You can either step up to it or not, it’s up to you.  We’ll just hope for the best.” – Eliza (Jane) to Quentin, S01E02 ‘The Source of Magic’

“You don’t see color and want to go back to black and white.” – Quentin to Eliot, S01E02 ‘The Source of Magic’

“It doesn’t matter what anyone tells you; you make the web you’re in.  You’re the spider and the fly.” – Eliza (Jane) to Quentin, S01E04 ‘The World in the Walls’

“The Madness Maker didn’t play for the joy of winning, just the fear of losing.  The real curse was he only played when he could win, which cut home off from the surprise, horror, sadness, and wonder of life.  Jane saw only one way out for him: stop playing; start living.” – Quentin reading from Fillory Further #1: The World in the Walls, S01E04 ‘The World in the Walls’

“I don’t need to be taught what magic is or isn’t; I need to be taught magic, so that I can decide what it is or isn’t, for me.” – Quentin to Henry, S01E04 ‘The World in the Walls’

“Please tell me that someone has pointed out to you that magic doesn’t come from sunshine and ice cream.  For any of us.” – Margo to Quentin, S01E05 Mendings, Minor and Major’

“A great way to get the things you want is to be so miserable that you don’t want them anymore.” – Margo to Quentin, S01E05  ‘Mendings, Minor and Major’

“Hell is real, and it smells like Axe body spray.” – Penny 40 to Quentin and Alice, S01E08 ‘The Strangled Heart’

“There’s a word for when you lean on something:  a crutch.  Replacing drugs or booze or porn or whatever with a Higher Power is just swapping out one crutch for another.” – Julia to Richard in group, S01E08 ‘The Strangled Heart’

“My brain breaks sometimes.” – Quentin to Alice, S01E09 ‘The Writing Room’

“The world never did help a smart girl.  Why would it?   We scare the shit out of the world.  If the world comes after you, take it as a compliment.” – Kira to Julia, S01E09 ‘The Writing Room’

“Life ain’t fair.  Why in the high holy fuck should death be any different?  Thinking that you can change anything, it’s such a monumental act of ego.  I mean, who the fuck do you think you really are?  I mean you’re just an arrogant little twat, so just suck it up.” – Eliot to Alice, S01E09  ‘The Writing Room’

“People who read their (own) books often discover that they don’t like the main character, and are rarely happy with how it ends.” – Zelda to Penny 40, S01E10 ‘Homecoming’

“Life is a unicorn shitting rainbows of candy.” – Eliot to Margo, S01E10 ‘Homecoming’

“Giving a shit about someone that you give a shit about doesn’t just evaporate the second that they fuck up.” – Quentin to Kady, S01E11 ‘Remedial Battle Magic’

“There’s this thing about you, Q; you actually believe in magic.  We all know it’s real, but you believe in it.  You just love it, pure and simple.” – Margo to Quentin, S01E11 ‘Remedial Battle Magic’

“You’re the volunteer tomato.  In a garden, you pull everything up. Sometimes a stray vine just keeps coming back. It volunteers. That's really why you, Quentin, you just keep coming.” – Eliza (Jane) to Quentin, S01E13 ‘Have You Brought Me Little Cakes?’

“I’m so fucking bored, children of Earth.” – Ember to Quentin and Alice, S01E13 ‘Have You Brought Me Little Cakes?’

“We’re stuck in some epic fantasy that likes to behead its heroes halfway through season one.” – Margo to Eliot, S02E01 ‘Knight of Crowns’

“Come near me and the knife won’t kill you, ‘cause you can still live without a dick.” – Julia to The Beast, S02E02 ‘Hotel Spa Potions’

“You’re acting like this is your first regicide.” – Margo to Penny 40, S02E03 ‘Divine Elimination’

“Since when are you Fillory Clinton?” – Eliot to Margo, S02E04 ‘The Flying Forest’

“Everything I’ve ever wanted I’ve got.  Magic is real, and it can fix anything except what I need.  I loved a girl.  My entire life I’ve dreamed of Fillory, that I would be like Martin Chatwin; I’d find a way to stay here forever.  Send me home.” – Quentin to The White Lady, S02E04 ‘The Flying Forest’

“Get over yourself, Ned Stark.” – Margo to Eliot, S02E05 ‘Cheat Day’

“When we’re the least snobby people in the room, there’s something wrong with the room.” – Margo to Eliot, S02E05 ‘Cheat Day’

“I know the difference between magic and miracles.  One is real and one is a lie with sparkles.” – Julia to Kady, S02E05 ‘Cheat Day’

“This would only be equivalent if Ess was a girl and you found pussy, you know, interesting in a ‘sometimes you like Thai food’ kind of way.  And now it’s all Thai food, forever, until you die.” – Eliot to Margo, S02E06 ‘The Cock Barrens’

“You fucked with us.  You fucked with out castle.  And now we’re gonna put our Jimmy Choos so far up your ass; you’re gonna taste next season!” – Margo to Prince Ess, S02E06 ‘The Cock Barrens’

“It’s not up to you to decide if you’re worth my time.  I get to do whatever the fuck I want with it, even if it is spend it on a girl who threatens to bail all the time.  ‘Cause guess what, Kady?  I didn’t think I was ever gonna see you again, and that puts shit into perspective.  I love you, okay?  Deal.” – Penny 40 to Kady, S02E08 ‘Word as Bond’

“I need a free moment to rub one out in a hot bath before I fucking kill someone.  That someone being you.” – Margo to Quentin, S02E10 ‘The Girl Who Told Time’

“Always the one to tell the impossible to go fuck itself, huh?” – Richard to Julia, S02E11 ‘The Rattening’

“You are a god of Fillory.  Why are you just sitting here and letting your brother shit all over it?  You let The Beast happen.  You shut out a child who needed shelter, and when he became a monster, you ran.  You hate chaos?  Then fix the chaos that you created! – Quentin to Umber, S02E12 Ramifications

“You know what you learn when you’re a High King?  Screwing up is inevitable, and there are some fuck-ups you can never un-fuck.  It’s infuriating and it’s heartbreaking.” – Eliot to Quentin, S02E13, “We Have Brought You Little Cakes’

“Bland is never really good or bad.  Usually people, creatures who can think, gods even, sometimes like the unknown, the unexpected, even the offensive, a little bit of…(chaos).” – Quentin to Umber, S02E13, “We Have Brought You Little Cakes’

“You fired me up.  You showed me that there’s a fight to fight.  Now I am the official sidekick to whatever it turns out you are, okay?  Get used to it.” – Quentin to Julia, S03E01 ‘The Tales of the Seven Keys’

“I'm sorry.  I just really loved doing magic.  And I was good at it.  Should have tasted my tomatoes.  Just the air smelled different, right?  And I could turn into a bird or make a rose bloom.  And I saw actual Fillory.  And I banged a werewolf!  Yes, that is weird, but also rad because who gets to do that?  And I wasn’t just some extremely average nobody.  I was gifted.  I didn’t just belong somewhere, I belonged anywhere because I was a magician.  I just…I don’t even know what anything is even about anymore.” – Josh to Julia, S03E01 ‘The Tales of the Seven Keys’

“What would Quentin Coldwater do?” – Eliot to Margo, S03E01 ‘The Tales of the Seven Keys’

“Technically, Buffy’s sister was never a baby.  She just appeared out of nowhere, and oh my God, two months without dick, I sound like Quentin.” – Margo to Eliot, S03E02 ‘Heroes and Morons’

“I get what you did.  You were raging against the dying of the light.  We really didn’t know how good we had it, did we?  We whined and complained about everything that magic couldn’t do because we couldn’t see that a world without it was dark and mean and pointless.” – Quentin to Eleanor, S03E02 ‘Heroes and Morons’

“I smell like a horse fucked a bird.” – Margo to Tick and Gillen, S03E03 ‘The Losses of Magic’

“Although Her Majesty lacks depth perception, she does not lack in depth or perception.” – Tick to Margo, S03E03 ‘The Losses of Magic’

“Ovary up, Tick.” – Margo to Tick, S03E05 ‘A Life in the Day’

“Wait!  You bitches looking for these?  Fuck!  That entrance line was the only thing that kept me going through six feet of dirt and corpse.” – Margo to Eliot and Quentin, S03E05 ‘A Life in the Day’

“You want to rid yourself of the one thing we all so desparately want.  I am a magician with no magic.  A dean with no school.  Just a blind, unemployed black man in America, who, shockingly, actually, was being kept 38% more tolerant through a series of enchantments, which have now died, in case you hadn’t noticed or perhaps or maybe you weren’t in a position to need to.” – Henry to Julia, S03E06 ‘Do You Like Teeth?’

“I chose to be High Queen.  And I have had to fight for every shred of authority.  And no offense, but you can’t understand because it was handed to you.” – Margo to Eliot, S03E07 ‘Poached Eggs’

“I’m the sanest woman in America, thanks to the fourteen pills I took this morning.  I actually can’t really feel anything; it’s fantastic!” – Eleanor to Alice, S03E07 ‘Poached Eggs’

“Who am I to judge?  I almost blew a werewolf just so he’d turn me.  Magical creatures; they can hang onto magic just fine.” – Eleanor to Alice, S03E07 ‘Poached Eggs’

“I know you don’t wanna talk right now.  Hate me later.  I’m going to the underworld, Katie, give me this.  You’re the best thing in my life.  Short life, granted, but I want you to know, I don’t regret a fucking second.  It’s crazy we lived this long.  We met, we had great sex, I got to know you.  I’m lucky.”  - Penny 40 to Katie, S03E07 ‘Poached Eggs’

“Not enough to deal with Hedge Witch Buffy.” – Vince (vampire) to Alice (referring to fairy-juiced Julia) after she noted she had already paid him to turn her, S03E07 ‘Poached Eggs’

“I reject your whole premise.  That’s all people do; try to change.  The real me is an asshole with no filter.  Believe me, I tried.  Eventually, I realized the brave thing is to be you, and accept the consequences.” – Poppy to Quentin, S03E08 ‘Six Short Stories About Magic’

“Umber’s ass, I am drunk!” – Fen to Alice, S03E08 ‘Six Short Stories About Magic’

“Look, I have this tiny spark of magic, and it seems like when I use it to do good things, to help people, it grows.  I didn’t ask for it and I can’t get rid of it.  If I want it to be anything but a burden, I have to use it.” – Julie to Fen, S03E08 ‘Six Short Stories About Magic’

“We’re all fucked in our own way, like always, but if we do not do this, then the quest is done.” – Quentin to the group, S03E09 ‘All That Josh’

“Magic always comes back.  It may take a millennium and your species verging on the brink of extinction, but it will, because ultimately magic is a carrot the gods use to keep human in check. – Hades to Penny 40, S03E10 ‘The Art of the Deal’

“You are not gonna cock out on me!   I'd say pussy, but let's be honest; which one is tougher?” – Ghost Margo 23 to Ghost Eliot 23, S03E11 ‘Twenty-Three’

“Giving people shit is easy; taking it away is almost impossible.  Like Obamacare.  Or herpes.” – Margo to Josh, S03E12 ‘The Fillorian Candidate’

“Whimsy.  I fucking hate it.” – Margo to Tick, S04E02 ‘Lost, Found, Fucked’

“Magic has been a brutal series of disappointments.  And after living forty timelines, thirty-nine of which ranged from the comically horrendous to the apocalyptically absurd, to find it was all for nothing, well, leaving this life actually feels liberating.” – Henry to Todd, S04E02 ‘Lost, Found, Fucked’

“I’m pretty sure it’ll fucking kill them.  And I’ll do it, unless you start acting like a real pussy and take one for the fucking team.” – Margo to Josh, S04E03 ‘Bad News Bear’

“Well, shit.  Alright, Fen.  I think I will do a ritual, Earth specialty, the sleep of solitude.  I pop an Ambien, everyone leaves me alone till noon.  That’ll be perfect.” – Margo to Fen, S04E05 ‘Escape from the Happy Place’

“Q, c’mon, I love you, but you have to know that that’s not me and it’s definitely not you, not when we have a choice.” Eliot to Quentin in S04E05 ‘Escape from the Happy Place’

“You have a classic case of white male protagonism, Derek, and a librarian simply can’t have that.  That’s why these books are so important, they’re such a gift.  They can allow you to see other points of view.  And once you start seeing that, you’ll find the story doesn’t end how you think, and the most important characters aren’t who you expect.” - Penny 40 to Derek, S04E07 ‘The Side Effect’

“You reek of non-dairy creamer and despair.” – Baba Yaga to Kady, S04E07 ‘The Side Effect’

“Ember’s balls!  This is a dream!” – Fen to herself, S04E07 ‘The Side Effect’

“They're trying to find someone, and we're just collateral damage.  So ask yourselves if this is what they do when they're not even thinking about us, what happens when they decide we're a threat?  Are we just going to let people like them tell us we're not important?  That we're just some side characters in their fucked up fascist plot?  My mom was a hedge, and she was killed by another hedge.  You think that would turn me against you, but it didn't.  It just made me realize that it doesn't have to be this way.  If we can stop screwing each other over long enough to work together, then it's not The Library's story!  It's our story.” – Kady to the Hedges, S04E07 ‘The Side Effect’

“When you file people away as sidekicks you don’t realize their importance to the story, and this story belongs to a lot more people than you think.  Where to shelve a book, it’s not a little thing.  You’re telling the world what to value.  Who to value.” – Penny 40 to Derek, S04E07 ‘The Side Effect’

“Jesus based on the novel Christ by Sapphire!” – Margo to Fen, S04E08, ‘Home Improvement’

“I’m a king.  Not a goddamned princess.  A king.  I’m still a king.” – Margo to Hallucination Eliot, S04E10 ‘All That Hard, Glossy Armor’

“How can you enjoy life if you’re in constant fear of its end?” – Enyalius to Quentin, Julia, & Penny 40, S04E10 ‘All That Hard, Glossy Armor’

“And I’m still rinsing desert sand out of my twat, alright, I’m not going to fucking Antarctica.  Grow a pair of tits, Coldwater.” – Margo to Quentin, S04E11 ‘4-1-1’

“You don’t get to be a magician my age, dear, without a healthy sense of self-preservation.” – Henry to Kady, S04E11 ‘4-1-1’

“You both sacrifice your own joy to help others.  Julia gave up all that power, and you, I mean other Penny, died because of it.  Think about it; it’s a sad twist.  You can’t blame me for wanting the two of you to be happy, ‘cause you will never do it for yourself.” – Hyman to Penny 23, S04E11 ‘4-1-1’

“Great Umber’s tits!” – Fen to Margo, S04E12 ‘The Secret Sea’

“You don’t get to hide behind the library.  You think if you’re a cog in a fascist machine that you’re not responsible for the people that it kills?” – Kady to Zelda, S04E12 ‘The Secret Sea’

“When we first met, I was clinging onto some naïve, idealistic notions of what the world should be, how people should be.  And I think that I’ve realized if I just throw away all that childish bullshit that I can forgive people for not living up to my stupid expectations.” – Quentin to Alice, S04E12 ‘The Secret Sea’

“Being an adult doesn’t mean that you have to throw away what you used to love.” – Alice to Quentin, S04E12 ‘The Secret Sea’

“You know the worst part about getting exactly what you want?  When it’s not good enough.  And then what do ya do?  If this can’t make me happy, then what would?  Fillory was supposed to mean something.  I was supposed to mean something here.  But’s it’s all, it’s just so, it’s random, it’s so random that the only way to save my friends is to yell at a fucking plant.  Honestly, fuck Fillory for being so disappointing.  You know what?  Maybe I was better off believing that it was just fiction.  The idea of Fillory is what saved my life.  This promise…that people like me…people like me can somehow…find an escape.  There has gotta be some power in that.  Shouldn’t loving the idea of Fillory be enough?” – Quentin to the Drowned Garden, S04E12 ‘The Secret Sea’

“There’s something I want you to know, Sister.  It’s not just the bad things or the ones who wronged us.  There’s such beauty in everything, even the quiet.  Especially the quiet.” – The Monster, S04E13 ‘No Better To Be Safe Than Sorry’

“Most of my life I’ve been in and out of hospitals, and suicidal thoughts, and notes, and a lot of notes, attempts, and meds and therapy.  And then I found Brakebills and all that went away.  Or I thought, but did I do something brave to save my friends or did I finally find a way to kill myself?” – Quentin to Penny 40, S04E13 ‘No Better To Be Safe Than Sorry’

“The story for them, it’s just starting.  But it won’t be the same story, because of you.  You didn’t just save their lives; you changed their lives, as much as they changed yours.  You didn’t want to leave all that, did you?” – Penny 40 to Quentin, S04E13 ‘No Better To Be Safe Than Sorry’

“Oh, grow a clit, willya?” – Margo to Eliot, S05E01 ‘Do Something Crazy’

“Bitch, I would if I could.” – Eliot to Margo, S05E01 ‘Do Something Crazy’

“No one gets to tell you how to grieve, Alice.  You’re on this journey by yourself.  Only you know where it’s gonna take you.  If you need to do something crazy to get through it, do something crazy, okay?” – Stephanie to Alice, S05E01 ‘Do Something Crazy’

“My dad says when I get sad about something, it’s gonna end.  I should just imagine this is the first page in a new book.  The gift your fiend gave you…it wasn’t his life.  It was yours.  That story just started.” – 12-year-old Quentin golem to Alice, S05E02 ‘The Wrath of the Time Bees

“Fuck Netflix, that is peak television.” – Eliot to the court at Whitespire, S05E04 ‘Magicians Anonymous’

“Look, guys, if you’re looking for some inspirational speech on why you should stay and fight, I can’t help you.  It’s gonna suck.  And even if we do succeed, which we might not, it’s not like we’re gonna get any credit.  The world ends, I end with it, knowing that I did everything I could, because I won’t be able to live with myself otherwise.” – Julia to the group, S05E05 ‘Apocalypse Now’

“We’re stuck in a game that keeps hitting reset.  Infinite time, zero consequences, just you and me saving the world through unbridled hedonism.” – Eliot to Margo, S05E06 ‘Oops…I Did It Again’

“We have friends to save, a Dark King to re-kill.  Hang with Mad Libs Pedophile all you want.  I’m going back to double-tap the motherfucker like he’s Osama and I’m SEAL Team Bitch.” – Margo to Fen, S05E09 ‘Cello Squirrel Daffodil’

“Voldemort’s clit!” – Margo to herself, S05E10 ‘Purgatory’

“What the fuck’s a Charlton?” – Julia to Eliot, S05E10 ‘Purgatory’

“Who the Disney princess fuck are you?” – Marina to Fen, S05E12 ‘The Balls’

“You see?  This is why I don’t hang out with you people!” – Marina to Zelda, S05E12 ‘The Balls’

“But on the bright side, we were pitch perfect!” – Zelda to Marina, S05E12 ‘The Balls’

“You either get onboard with the me who’s me or you can fuck off.” – Marina to Anna, S05E12 ‘The Balls’

“Ho, ho, ho, motherfuckers!” – Santa Claus, S05E12 ‘The Balls’

“What the pumpkin spice fuck?” – Margo to the room, S05E13 ‘Fillory and Further’

“You can never fully control external circumstances.  They may even be actively hostile.  But you can control the ones inside you, and one hand is plenty.” – Zelda to Alice, S05E13 ‘Fillory and Further’

“For a Librarian, death isn’t the end, it is merely a transfer to another branch.” – Zelda to Alice, S05E13 ‘Fillory and Further’

“If I learned one thing from Quentin, it’s that sometimes you sacrifice for those you love.  I’m doing this so you two can live, so don’t you dare follow me.” – Margo to Josh and Eliot, S05E13 ‘Fillory and Further’