13 April 2013

Sex talk

(originally posted to Myspace 16 October 2007)

One day back in ‘96, I was working in a nursing home near where I lived then (well, near if you count 6 ½ miles as near, which I measured because I twice walked that distance in the snow from my residence to the home so that the residents would have someone to take care of them), and took part in what might seem a strange conversation to someone who wasn't there.

The conversation took place largely because of the sexual tension between me, a CNA, and one of the nurses, a recent college graduate, but neither of us started it.  It started between one of the female CNA's who was my age and a male CNA who was a nursing student at a nearby private college.  It turned into a six- or eight-way conversation, but it was because of the palpable (to all) sexual tension between her and I that the conversation began; the other four or five participants were women, and the nurse mentioned earlier was then 21. 

This was during lunch.  Much of what was discussed, I later learned, was largely for the afore-mentioned nurse's benefit.

I could overhear what the two CNA's were debating; it was whether a guy should kiss a girl/woman after he cums in her mouth. 

The female turned to me and asked would I. 

“Hell, yes,” I responded. 

Likewise, everyone agreed a woman/girl should indeed kiss a man after he's been down on her.

“Snowballing?” (letting a girl pass your semen into your mouth while kissing her after she’s given you a blowjob)

The other male CAN, a nursing student at a nearby university, was definitely into it; me, I'd have to consider it in the moment.

“Should a man go down on his lover if she's having her period?”

I said Yes, the male nursing student said No. 

“What about anilingus?” (like cunnilingus, only in the other orifice)

Some were grossed out about the idea, but those who were not agreed it was a good thing for either party to do to the other, although the man should shave his ass crack if he wants that.

Everyone agreed that shaving pubes (men and women) was a good idea, since a pubic hair in the back of one's throat is a good way to spoil a mood.

One thing that definitely got the female participants’ attention was my insistence that a man keep going after he had cum if his lover had not yet cum or if she was about to cum again.  My younger, college-age, counterpart agreed, though he had not until then thought about it (I'd not only thought about it, but had done it routinely).  The women present naturally expressed their whole-hearted support for the suggestion.

We all also agreed that there should be lots of foreplay, plus cuddling and talking afterwards, though we did allow there might be exceptions in some cases on both these counts.

It was one of the most open and frank discussions I've ever been party to regarding sex.  We even discussed STD's any of us had had—given the extent of my stay in the Philippines at Clark Air Base, I took the prize for number and variety—and no one seemed at all embarrassed about any of this.

[In addition to paying for two abortions, I’ve had gonorrhea once, clamydia twice, Hepatitis B, and a case of venereal warts (HPV) that took five months to get rid of.  The Hep B, HPV, and one of the clamydial infections came in a single package; I was so miserable from the other two I didn’t learn of the Hep B until several years later after giving blood, and by then had a naturally acquired immunity.  Thus, I am a huge proponent of condoms.]

Of course, then I had to go on to explain that I'd ended up dating the medical assistant at the clinic, the one who'd processed all my records.  I was amazed that she had said Yes, and when I asked her about it later, she said I was the only guy who'd ever talked to her; the rest wouldn't even look at her, and here I was chatting her up every time I came in until my name was called.  I felt kind of sorry for her when she said that because she was extremely pretty, and sweet, with a great sense of humor and should’ve had guys falling all over her, though of course I counted my own good fortune.

Another thing we all agreed on was that condoms should always be worn, and that routine testing was necessary, especially for singles, but also for those in serious relationshAt ips.  That had been my religion since the Philippines.

The female CNA who'd initiated this discussion later admitted to me that she and the male nursing student had instigated it in order to gauge the afore-mentioned nurse's reaction to hearing me talk about sex.

This was hardly one of the major turning points in my life, but I think that if men and women were always this frank and rational about sex many of us would be so much better off.


At another time, when I was the only male in the room, the subject was men.  More specifically, their problems with men.  And let me tell you, guys, women can be brutal.

I was just sitting and listening like nothing was wrong.  Hell, I’ve got two sisters, I’d already heard much worse.  But the afore-mentioned nurse kept glancing at me, seeming really worried about how all this was affecting me.  So, largely on her behalf, I raised the point.

Betty, an older female CNA who  was our “mother”, told me straight that No, this discussion didn’t have anything to do with me and that if it had they wouldn’t have been talking about men like that.

I glanced at Julie and she seemed relaxed.  I have to admit that even knowing this already I breathed a sigh of relief as well.  Like I said, it was brutal.


Nearly a decade later, my MLT classmates and I were having a long lunch in the student center, all of us.  We weren’t a very big department but all of us were there.

Sometimes being the only guy in a group can be an advantage, sometimes it might make some guys squirm.  The subject of discussion this time was men, again, a mass discussion of problems with their significant male others. 

It was much the same as the discussion of a decade earlier, with the added twist of two of the women sharing the problems of being in a long-term relationship with a guy who has a giant schlong.  Neither were still in a relationship with the two guys they were discussing, by the way, these were about the past.

What they both agreed about was that at first it seemed like “WOW!” and “OH MY GOD!”, and that it still was…every once in a while.  Most of the time, though, it was such a strain to adjust to and accommodate their length and girth that it was hard to enjoy their size.  So all you guys of average penis size, like me, should relax.  It truly is not the size of the ship but the motion of the ocean; take it from a group of women talking about it completely candidly in front of me.

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